Heather's Hangout

Sharing the people, places & little moments that make a difference.

Celebrating 20 years of life after cancer March 30, 2017

Filed under: Cancer Tips,Life Lessons — Heather @ 8:05 am
Tags: , , , , , ,
HH_GaylordDock

Find joy and peace in life.

A few weeks ago it dawned on me that my 20-year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis occurs in May. I usually celebrate my cancer anniversary as the day I finished treatment, free from hospitals, chemo and the terrifying weight of that disease (there’s still a weight but different than going through treatment). Recognizing my diagnosis is important to me too. Cancer changed my life. For better and worse. I was diagnosed at 21, on the cusp of becoming an independent adult, with all the excitement and hope for life that only a young adult can truly muster. Facing a disease will change anyone’s outlook on life but when you’re a young adult who doesn’t really know anything about the real world, it sets your life on a completely new path. For better and worse.

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Since it struck me that it’s been 20 years, vivid memories have come rushing back (of course). I recall the ache in my knee that taunted me sporadically for more than a year, yet I kept canceling doctor appointments because college fun (um, and studies) kept me busy. I hear the quiet warning in my head wondering why my knee was hurting more consistently. I can feel the stunned anxiety and stir of fear when the doctor at the urgent care center explained my knee x-ray showed a possible tumor. I remember the guilt of making my parents and sisters worry so much and assuring them that I would be okay, then sobbing in fear in the privacy of my bedroom. I see myself holding a basin as my nurse started my first chemo drip (it took a few more days to begin puking my guts out from the poison). I feel my hair falling out in clumps. I know the determination of making my leg muscles work again so I could walk after surgery replaced my femur with titanium.

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Through these memories, many others also surface. The kindness and determination of my surgeon, oncologists, nurses and medical team. The outpouring of support and love from family, friends and even strangers who saw a bald young woman on crutches for so many months. The bonding with other cancer survivors. The deepening of an appreciation for the simple things in life (fresh air, blue skies, flowers, hugs, pressing my face into a horse’s mane, the kiss of my little niece, eating without throwing up). The strength and courage that grew in my heart. The new love of life that blossomed in my soul. The friends who came into my life, thanks to cancer, and who touched my heart in ways I will never forget. The adventures and opportunities that have arisen from being called a cancer survivor.

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Ireland_HHkerry

Travel to fun places, like Ireland!

I recently wrote of advice that I would share with my 21-year old self as she underwent chemo and surgery. Someone once told me that I should ‘move on’ from cancer. That’s a tough thing to do since I AM a cancer survivor. I didn’t ask for the title but it’s part of who I am. And, frankly, I am so very thankful to call myself a survivor because the alternative sucks. Cancer impacted my life, for better and worse. There is no doubt.  My entire life path changed due to my cancer diagnosis at 21, then again when my dad died from the disease. But I can’t say that it’s been all bad. Maybe that’s because I won’t let it. My attitude, thoughts and actions have tried to be positive and purposeful. It’s the best I can do. Throughout the past 20 years, I have learned some positive lessons. I share some of these with you as we walk through life:

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  • Give thanks every morning you wake that you are alive to enjoy another day. Count at least three blessings before bed. There is always something to be grateful for in your life.
  • Laugh as much as possible. Laughter really is one of the best medicines.
  • Surround yourself with positive people (and yes, you can still be a realist and positive).
  • Smell the flowers. Even the stinky ones. Flowers are a beautiful symbol of new life.
  • Be active. Find an activity you enjoy and do it. Moving your body keeps you healthy, physically fit and helps you enjoy life.  I stay as active as my leg allows and have found many activities that I enjoy so don’t feel like I’m working out!
  • Don’t skip regular doctor appointments and preventive screenings, including skin, colorectal, cervical and breast cancer screenings.
  • Embrace love. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. Take a chance, knowing that love, even in fairy tales, isn’t always easy. But it will be worth it when you find the right person.
  • Travel outside of your hometown, current city and state. Learn about other cultures.
  • See a live play or musical at least once at a community theater, on Broadway, wherever. Appreciate the talent, story and magic behind these performances.
  • Have dance parties – with yourself, friends, kids, pets. I usually was the first one on the dance floor at clubs during college, which is surprising when I think back since I was incredibly shy any other time. Even now I catch myself dancing while cooking in the kitchen, at work when I need a break (behind my closed office door!), folding laundry, hanging with my nieces and nephew, or whenever the urge hits. Just get lost in the music and fun.
  • Know that it’s okay to fail sometimes. The greatest lesson is what you learn.
  • Take lots of pictures and be in lots of pictures. Capturing great memories, trips, people and moments in your life can bring joy in the future. While I have hundreds of pictures on my smartphone and digital camera, I also print and frame many of my favorite memories and people to see throughout my home. I love walking by those frames and smiling at the reminders of those moments.
  • Volunteer in your community. Helping others is, of course, the right thing to do in today’s society (at least in my humble opinion). We are all fortunate in our lives in one way or antother so I’m a believer that we ALL can give back in some way. People need to know there is kindness still in the world. Plus, helping others often helps yourself – it brings gratitude and joy. Trust me.
  • Pay attention to politics. Decisions are made by a small number of people that greatly affect, both positively and negatively, millions of people. Including you and me. Know what’s happening in your local community, in your state and at the federal level. Don’t be afraid to contact your elected officials. We still live in a democracy. They work for us.
  • Make peace with the people who hurt you. You don’t necessarily have to verbally say it, but at least learn to let go of anger and hurt. Forgiving someone ultimately heals you and allows you to move on with freedom and an open heart.
  • Face your fears. We often learn great lessons by recognizing why something or someone stirs fear and uncertainty. Fear sometimes is the red flag that we need to pay attention, and other times, it’s a hindrance to great success, happiness and love. Listen to your emotions to determine why you feel the fear and then face it.
  • Be okay with alone time. In a society that makes it easy to be connected ALL THE TIME, it sometimes feels like my brain is always connected and overloaded. I need quiet time to regroup and refresh my brain and emotions. I love nothing more than having ‘me’ time to read, hike, bike, write, garden or even simply sit on the deck feeling the warmth of the sun and soft breeze. Whether I’m single or in a relationship, I need that ‘me’ time every so often. I think it’s important for everyone to appreciate alone time.
  • Learn something new every month. Try a new recipe, practice some words in a foreign language, read a book, play the guitar or piano, visit an art museum, listen to a new band. Whatever your interests, expand your knowledge and you’ll expand your fun and enjoyment of life.
  • Make friends of all ages and backgrounds. When I make a mental list of my friends, it pleases me to know they fit into an incredibly wide age bracket, have varying education and professional occupations, are talented in a variety of activities, are both genders, married and single, children and childless, and have experienced a myriad of life circumstances that make each person unique and special. They all bring such different perspectives of life and fill my heart with different appreciation.
  • Appreciate your life. We only get one body and one life. Make the most of it. Enjoy every day. Choose joy, love, kindness, happiness and hope.
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A look back at life advice from Dad June 18, 2016

Filed under: Cancer Tips,Life Lessons — Heather @ 9:00 am
Tags: , , , , ,

In honor of Father’s Day tomorrow, I thought I would re-post a blog I wrote a few years ago about some life advice my dad shared before he died from multiple myeloma. I am blessed to have experienced his love and guidance for as many years as I did. I still miss him every minute of every day.

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Life Advice from Dad (originally posted June 26, 2014)

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DadHH

Pictures capture the special memories.

Tomorrow is a special anniversary for it will be 16 years since I walked out of the hospital finished with chemo and ready to face the world as a cancer survivor. I was terrified, relieved, excited, hopeful, anxious.

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Sixteen years later I still feel those emotions on a regular basis. Finishing treatment for cancer doesn’t mean you’re finished with the disease. If you’re blessed and lucky, the actual disease will stay away forever but the aftermath of treatment, both mentally and physically, continues to greet survivors daily. Of course I’d much rather face those challenges than the alternative of not being on Earth.

2

Next month, the 10-year anniversary of my dad’s death from cancer will occur. While we were diagnosed a year apart, our cancers were different enough that our paths split.

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Thoughts of my dad flit into my mind daily.  Sometimes, it’s little things that make me miss him, such as knowing he’d help with a home project (he was a home builder) or his willingness to try the craft beers I like (even though he was a faithful Budweiser man). Other times, my heart aches for the major milestones he is missing, such as weddings, the birth of his grandchildren or opportunities to enjoy retirement with my mom. And, even though 10 years have passed, I still have the desire to share with him and ask his input on random things – successes at work, advice on marriage, family vacation stories, politics, books. I sometimes get taken aback at the strong urge to pick up the phone and talk to him.

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Family1980

My family has been close since the beginning.

My dad knew his battle was ending, probably before all of us accepted it. While his spirit and mind continued to rally, his body was worn out after six years of treatment. In the months leading up to his death, we talked a lot. About how cancer changes you, his love for his family, his happiest memories, his childhood antics, my future. He was never an overly emotional person but his illness made him open up more to my mom, sisters and me. And in those moments he provided good life tips that only a father can share with his child. In honor of him and my cancer anniversary, I thought I’d share with you.

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  1. Learn to laugh at yourself, and also laugh at the challenges life brings. I’ve learned your attitude can be a major factor in how life plays out. You can’t control everything in life so focus on what you can.
  2. Learn to forgive. It may be difficult to forget when someone hurts you but forgiving heals you. And saves you time and energy. Why exert so much negative energy? Maybe you choose not to keep a person in your life but then don’t let them have so much influence that you’re negatively impacted. What’s the point?
  3. Let people love you and surround you with laughter. You can’t truly love or be loved if you don’t open your heart and take risks.
  4. Don’t let work be your life because at the end of your breaths, people matter. Make time for them, enjoy them, love them. Love life.
  5. Always hold your head high and do things you can be proud of.
  6. Be loyal but don’t let people screw you over.
  7. Learn about life and the world around us, listen to others, try to solve a problem yourself (this helps you learn something new), travel outside of your hometown and if possible outside of the U.S. Step away from the television, computer and phone to open your eyes to the beauty and happy people around you. Enjoy life.
  8. Don’t spend your energy and time on people who don’t make time for you, including friends and family. Life is too short to spend it on people who don’t feel the same. We’re all busy, whether you’re single, married, parent, business owner, etc. It seems like people are always trying to be busier than someone else these days. I’ve learned to make efforts with those I care about but if it’s continuously not reciprocated, then I turn my energies to others who make efforts too (but I don’t harbor negative feelings towards those who didn’t make time for me. We choose our priorities and live with the outcomes.).
  9. Don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can’t fix everyone’s problems or attitudes so focus on what you can.
  10. Treasure each day. Seriously, DO THIS. Appreciate being alive, time with your loved ones, your body, the breaths you take, the steps you walk and the opportunities you have.
  11. (Bonus) Love your parents for you never know when they won’t be there.
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It may seem odd to roll my cancer anniversary, a celebration, and the anniversary of my dad’s death into the same blog. But they are connected – being a cancer survivor and my dad’s death made me stronger, braver and much more appreciative of life. My dad fought cancer to the end and I continue to fight it daily by embracing those I love, taking advantage of opportunities and adventure, facing life with hope, standing strong for others when I can, laughing, breathing.

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What do you treasure and appreciate about life?

 

Life advice from Dad June 26, 2014

Filed under: Cancer Tips,Life Lessons — Heather @ 5:50 pm
Tags: , , , ,
Pictures capture the special memories.

Pictures capture special memories.

Tomorrow is a special anniversary for it will be 16 years since I walked out of the hospital finished with chemo and ready to face the world as a cancer survivor. I was terrified, relieved, excited, hopeful, anxious.

2

Sixteen years later I still feel those emotions on a regular basis. Finishing treatment for cancer doesn’t mean you’re finished with the disease. If you’re blessed and lucky, the actual disease will stay away forever but the aftermath of treatment, both mentally and physically, continues to greet survivors daily. Of course I’d much rather face those challenges than the alternative of not being on Earth.

2

Next month, the 10-year anniversary of my dad’s death from cancer will occur. While we were diagnosed a year apart, our cancers were different enough that our paths split.

2

Thoughts of my dad flit into my mind daily.  Sometimes, it’s little things that make me miss him, such as knowing he’d help with a home project (he was a home builder) or his willingness to try the craft beers I like (even though he was a faithful Budweiser man). Other times, my heart aches for the major milestones he is missing, such as my wedding or the high school graduation of my niece. And, even though 10 years have passed, I still have the desire to share with him and ask his input on random things – successes at work, advice on marriage, family vacation stories, politics. I sometimes get taken aback at the strong urge to pick up the phone and talk to him.

2

My dad knew his battle was ending, probably before all of us accepted it. While his spirit and mind continued to rally, his body was worn out after six years of treatment. In the months leading up to his death, we talked a lot. About how cancer changes you, his love for his family, his happiest memories, his childhood antics, my future. He was never an overly emotional person but his illness made him open up more to my mom, sisters and me. And in those moments he provided good life tips that only a father can share with his child. In honor of him and my cancer anniversary, I thought I’d share with you.

2
  1. Learn to laugh at yourself, and also laugh at the challenges life brings. I’ve learned your attitude can be a major factor in how life plays out. You can’t control everything in life so focus on what you can.
  2. Learn to forgive. It may be difficult to forget when someone hurts you but forgiving heals you. And saves you time and energy. Why exert so much negative energy? Maybe you choose not to keep a person in your life but then don’t let them have so much influence that you’re negatively impacted. What’s the point?
  3. Let people love you and surround you with laughter. You can’t truly love or be loved if you don’t open your heart and take risks.
  4. Don’t let work be your life because at the end of your breaths, people matter. Make time for them, enjoy them, love them. Love life.
  5. Always hold your head high and do things you can be proud of.
  6. Be loyal but don’t let people screw you over.
  7. Learn about life and the world around us, listen to others, try to solve a problem yourself (this helps you learn something new), travel outside of your hometown and if possible outside of the U.S. Step away from the television, computer and phone to open your eyes to the beauty and happy people around you. Enjoy life.
  8. Don’t spend your energy and time on people who don’t make time for you, including friends and family. Life is too short to spend it on people who don’t feel the same. We’re all busy, whether you’re single, married, parent, business owner, etc. It seems like people are always trying to be busier than someone else these days. I’ve learned to make efforts with those I care about but if it’s continuously not reciprocated, then I turn my energies to others who make efforts too (but I don’t harbor negative feelings towards those who didn’t make time for me. We choose our priorities and live with the outcomes.).
  9. Don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can’t fix everyone’s problems or attitudes so focus on what you can.
  10. Treasure each day. Seriously, DO THIS. Appreciate being alive, time with your loved ones, your body, the breaths you take, the steps you walk and the opportunities you have.
  11. (Bonus) Love your parents for you never know when they won’t be there.
2

It may seem odd to roll my cancer anniversary, a celebration, and the anniversary of my dad’s death into the same blog. But they are connected – being a cancer survivor and my dad’s death made me stronger, braver and much more appreciative of life. My dad fought cancer to the end and I continue to fight it daily by embracing those I love, taking advantage of opportunities and adventure, facing life with hope, standing strong for others when I can, laughing, breathing.

2

What do you treasure and appreciate about life?

 

 
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